Well done India - lets all be friends.

So India does one over Pakistan...again. The pressure on the Indian's to beat Pakistan in India must have been huge, well done to the chaps. Plaudits aside, lets talk about the unwritten rules when it comes to the most anticipated cricketing match in the world.

• display your real distant for your pakistani/indian friends by overtly exerting your newly found patriotic optimism via facebook/twitter/ and text messaging. Ensure you use the words 'balle balle' if your indian, or 'boom boom' if your pakistani.
• during the game dont even pretend that youd want the winner of the match be it not ur team to win the tournament, because you dont. You want their next opponents of your rival to crush them, and crush them hard.
• if your dating a person of the opposite team's nationality do send them regular updates reminding them that your winning, because remember this will ensure your love will last and those social conditions that have been placed on your relationship will be evaporated by these continuous digs. 
• do pretend that you understand what actually happend during the partition and let it be known that this game will go a long way to help build bridges between the countries.
• if your team wins, call the boys, get the cars rented, burn the latest Imran khan tracks and burn some rubber in Southall or Ealing.

How did you celebrate?

Odd-ones-out

Take a look at these folks, see how I've circled the two on the left? Notice how they are leaning towards each other and not huddled together with the rest of the group?..Why? Lets explore some possible scenarios. Firstly, it goes without saying the one in that blue dress is the hottest one, she's got the pout thats commanding the most attention. The lazy eyed chick might have thought if she joins alliances with the only 'man' in the group it could prove to be a PR stunt that'll outshine the pouter. Maybe the chap and lazy-eyes are in the early stages of relationship, the part when you take pictures but don't smile...:S

What do you think is really going on here?

Twiglets - leggage exposure

With increasing pressures on our brit asain girls to match their white female counterparts, I wont be alone in noticing that there is a steady increase in the amount of 'leggage' thats on show. Take a look at the below:

Here we have what appears to be a brit asain hen party, although it looks like 4 didnt get the memo. Pinky (perhapas the hottest in the middle) decides to set herself aside and three others decide to opt for shades of purple, which lets face it are not exactly flattering to their roti-roasted figures.

Take a look here:

.. hmmm. Which do you prefer...

What we want vs What we need

Truth be known in the beginning we wanted to believe the hype that those bollywood films muster up. You meet, you like, you romance, fall in love and get married. If only it were that simple huh. The older we get the more we realise that in order to obtain what we actually want, we must adhere to codes of commands which weren't taught to us by our parents by in most cases learnt through trails and errors. Where once we wanted that simple girl we now generally strive for a short term fix from a chick who embellishes all of those qualities which we once looked at in distant. Truth be known this is what guys want :

Respecting our elders

See the thing is, back in the days (80's) if we as kids stepped out of line we'd get a good beating. Our folks werent afraid of the law, there wasn't a support network like there is now. The beatings were for our own benefit and a passed down tradition in discipline which we had to accept. Today the modern day Brit-asain knows his/her rights, todays kids are being parented by 2nd, 3rd generation asains who perhaps are more accepting of their offsprings downright obnoxious behaviour. For example, a young brit-asain mum may understand and accept her daughter's willingness to don a sparkly little hotpant, because she herself can recollect the day when on a summers day it felt right to do so too. The oldschool elders wouldn't stand for this. Back in the pind, moral and social integrity formed the backbone of ones character. But, we live in a new age now. Its London 2011, the youth is liberated and living in a highly sexualised society which is very demanding of women. The glossy mags, asaina mag, Asain women are all glad with expertly polished women with not a blemish on their faces, ahh the joys of photoshop..if only they knew. The average brit asain living in a western society has a different battle on their hands, I just hope we can retain some of those oldschool values that our elders instilled in us, integrate..sure but never illuminate.

Modern day Brit-Asain hero - part II

Times are changing fast. Todays generation know what they want, and how to get it. Things are far more accessible than ever. Technological advances have liberated our youth, fashion some may argue has integrated us more than some would like believe. When I was a yoot, we dressed accordingly to what our folks could afford, no questions asked, we wore what we were told. Fashion wasn't a statement, but a necessity to cover our modesty. How fitting a tribute is it that today this paradox has taken a drastic twist, no doubt brought on by the sexualisation of the media that infiltrate our consciousness everyday. The result is this :

Brit-Desi Boyband

So I've always wondered why in the year 2011 Britain still doesnt have a true Brit-asain boyband. Surely our lads make just as much effort with their hair and fashion to be considered good enough to be adorned onto the bedroom walls of teenage girls up and down the country! Then I came across this picture and immediately I thought 'heck if I was the Simon Cowel of Southall I'd give this boys a record deal even if they sounded like Pat Butcher'. I mean, look at these lads..they look like a band, bottom left has that slightly camp appeal which is always good, no doubt further down the line he'll 'come out',  the chap at the back whos very artistically managed to wrapped everyone together looks like the ladies man - he'd be in the press for dating those chicks from the 'Saturdays'.

Heres how I imagine their first album would look:

The freshies - part 1

A good few years back I began my quest to understand the modern day freshie, a endearing term used to describe a individual from the mother countries. Usually this person will speak in a swanky english, use a lot of hand gestures and wear sandals, even in the snow. What we have above is a deconstruction of a group of freshies minding their business sitting in a park bench. Rather than looking troublesome like a group of scummy chavs, these lads look rather...intellectual, infact id put good money on one of these brothers having a microsoft certification of some sort. See, I kinda like freshies, there's a lot to learn from them, this group for instance no doubt are childhood friends, all must go watch bollywood flicks together, when out chursping 'the leader' of the pack surely is the one who gets shot of the main cock-blocker, whilst 'the joker' keeps everyone entertained. Like a well oiled machine these brothers work hand in hand, theres a real closeness between them. Theres a freshie in every single one of us, lets bring it out.

The look of envy

Look deep into the eyes of the girl in the middle and you will see the same thing that all attractive asain girls see every single day of their lifes, envy. Thats right, the green eyed monster that inhibits folks. Theres a number of interpretations that could be applied to this image, perhaps the strategically placed girl had summoned the photographer over and was mid-pose, just as the hot chicks decided to ruin her little moment and extract the limelight via a smooch.  A very plausible explanation some may say, but I think the reality is that the girl in the middle just wants a piece of the action...who who'd blame her, I mean look at the lashes of the one of the left. You see, there was once a time when in fear of jepordising our moral ethics and cultural values we wouldnt even pout in fear of being ridiculed and having our good name tarnished. Today is 2011, society has evolved and so has the modern brit-asain girl, more experimental than ever, she longs to seek new avenues to satisfy her thrust for all things forbidden. Truth be known, I want a piece of this action too. Three-way popppy anyone?

*update* it has been brought to my attention, by a very close compadre of mine that I missed a vital element to this picture...look closely and you will see a eyeball in the top left corner, dare I suggest this belongs to the parent of one of these mischievous girls..ready to embark on a onslaught of chappal slapping...